


Cast Away

by billybones



Category: Being The Elite (Web Series), 新日本プロレス | New Japan Pro-Wrestling
Genre: M/M, New Years Dash 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 13:41:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13882041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/billybones/pseuds/billybones
Summary: After Kenny storms out of the post-dash dinner the bucks follow him and they have a much-needed conversation about Kota Ibushi.





	Cast Away

Kenny couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so alone. Actually, that was a lie. He remembered with perfect, unfortunate clarity the last time he had felt this miserably lonely. Had things really not changed since then? After everything that had happened in the last few years. Everything he had _built_ how was he here? Walking home alone in a hoodie with “CAST AWAY” mockingly written on the back. By all rights he should be happy. He’d gotten everything he’d always wanted. He was a heavyweight, leader of the bullet club, he’d become the first foreigner to win the G1, he’d main evented the Tokyo dome, he’d wrestled Chris Jericho, he was going to beat Okada for his title the next time they had a rematch. He was more surrounded by friends now than he ever had been. And he’d never felt so pathetically empty.

They hadn’t been there. Not with Jericho, not with Cody. Part of Kenny knew that in all likelihood the Young Bucks simply weren’t paying attention to the backstage screens after their own match was done. They hadn’t been expecting something like this, glued to the tv, the way Kenny had been. They might not have even seen it. But that didn’t make Kenny feel any better. They should’ve known. They should’ve noticed. They should’ve had his back.

Kenny trudged on, snow crushing under his boots, hands pushed deep into his pockets. No matter how he tried, he couldn’t dismiss the quiet voice in his head that whispered that it was because of Kota. The Young Bucks would’ve been there, backing him up, if it had been about anything but Kota. It was a miserable thought. Nick and Matt had always been fine about the swinging-both ways thing, but there was a difference between knowing in theory and actually seeing it.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. Kenny ignored it and kept walking. _Over-dramatic_ Matt had called him. Cody had been trying to take a chair to Kota’s fucking _head_ and Matt had called him over-dramatic.

* * *

He pulled off his sweatshirt and tossed it on the floor before falling face first onto the bed. He let himself just lay there for a minute, listening to the silence occasionally broken by the sound of people in the hallway.

 _I wish I could stay here_ , he thought. Inside this room no one needed him to do anything or be anyone. He was just himself.

He imagined sinking into the mattress, through the floor, down down down all the way into the earth.

* * *

At some point he must’ve fallen asleep because suddenly he woke up. Kenny pushed himself up on his elbow and peered sleepily around the empty room, wondering what had pulled him out of his sleep. There was a faint buzzing sound from the floor. Looking over the edge of the bed, Kenny could see his phone lighting up inside his jeans pocket. Mystery solved. Kenny signed and flopped back on the bed, and then flinched and moaned because his body wasn’t up to flopping yet, apparently. He wondered what time it was, but he didn’t want to touch his phone and the clock on the bedside table was just blinking 12:00.

 _It doesn’t matter_ , he realized. He didn’t have anywhere to be tomorrow if he wasn’t going to be seeing the others off at the airport. With that out of the way he decided to go back to sleep.

Kenny stared up at the ceiling.The phone buzzed again. It could be 2am for all he knew, and the bucks were still trying to reach him. He sat up and turned on the bedside lamp. He got up, grabbed his discarded jeans, pulled his phone out of the pocket and dropped them back onto the floor. Settling himself cross legged on the bed Kenny stared down at the illuminated screen.

All the messages were in The Elite group chat.

Nick Jackson (7:45): _Kenny come back._

Matt Jackson (7:46): **Kenny, this is ridiculous.**

(8:20): We _would’ve been there with Jericho if we could have._

(9:40): _Kenny,_ _did you make it back to the hotel?_

(9:41): **Can you answer your damn phone please? We’re worried about you.**

(11:15): _Are you coming with us to the airport tomorrow?_

(11:16): **We’re not going to see each other for weeks. Please come.**

Kenny felt a twinge of guilt. He could at least let them know he was safe.

(11:28): **_I’m in my hotel room._**

He stopped there, looking at Nick’s question: _“Are you coming with us to the airport tomorrow?”_ A minute ago he would’ve said no, but now he wasn’t so sure.

While he was thinking about it his phone vibrated again.

(11:28): **Thank God man, you scared us!**

(11:29): _We knocked on your door. You didn’t answer._

(11:30): **_I didn’t hear you. I was asleep I guess._ ** Kenny wrote back.

(11:32): **Are you still mad?**

(11:33): **_Did you watch New Years Dash?_**

There was a long pause this time. Then,

(11:36): **No. But Marty told us what happened.**

Kenny stared at the words and waited to feel something about them, but nothing came. He felt heavy, and tired, and sore. It felt like there was a dark bottomless hole in his chest, but surrounding it (at least for now) was this shell of numbness. He could feel it a little bit, but he knew that he was just feeling the edges.

(11:39): _We would’ve been there._

(11:40): **Can you please open your door so we can talk about this in person instead of having to text?**

Kenny chewed his lip, his eyes tracing over the letters in Nick’s last message.

(11:42): **_Okay. I’ll open the door._**

He didn’t move.

(11:43): **Kenny.**

Kenny signed and forced his body up.

Matt and Nick were standing right outside the door, both looking serious and anxious.

“Hey,” said Kenny, trying not to feel like a drama king.

“Hey.”

* * *

“Cody doesn’t mean anything by it,” said Matt. “He was just messing with Kota’s head.”

“I told him not to.”

“He doesn’t like being told what to do. You know that.”

Kenny shook his head. “It’s more than that.”

Nick squeezed his knee. “What’d you mean?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’m imagining it.”

Matt shrugged. “Tell us anyway.”

“It feels like it’s about _me_. I think he’s messing with...Kota,” it was stupid that saying his name was still a struggle, “to get to me. All the stuff he’s doing. Kissing his hand, telling him- you know.” Kenny scrubbed his hand across his face. The Bucks exchanged a look. “Even if it’s _not_. I- I want him to stop.”

“Kota can take care of himself, you know,” offered Matt quietly. “Cody couldn’t beat him at the Dome.”

“I- I don’t know how to...say it. I. I _need_ Cody to leave it alone. When he picked up that _chair-_ ” Kenny’s voice cracked, and he let a shaky sigh.

“Okay,” said Nick. “Okay. We’ll get him to stop.”

“Whatever you need, babe.” Matt reached out and touched Kenny’s shoulder.

“Thanks,” Kenny mumbled.

“Can I- ,” Matt broke off looking unsure. “Can I ask...about Kota?”

“Uh. What about him?”

“What’s going on between you guys? I thought I knew but now…”

“You don’t have to tell us,” said Nick, quickly.

“But you can,” said Matt. “You know you can tell us anything.”

“We love you, buddy.” Matt squeezed his shoulder in silent agreement.

“What do you want to know?”

Matt glanced at Nick. “Specifically?”

“Yeah.” Kenny’s heart was pounding so hard it was almost painful.

Nick and Matt were having another silent conversation. Finally Matt turned back to Kenny.

“Were you and Kota...lovers? Like _real_ lovers? Like um boyfriends?”

Kenny realized he had been holding his breath and forced himself to breathe again, letting the trapped air out in a long sigh. When did speaking get so hard? He wasn’t even _ashamed_ or anything it was just- it took so much effort to get the words to come.

“I guess “lovers” is as good a word as any.” Kenny stared at his hands. Nick squeezed his knee again. The words came easier now. “Everything felt so _right_ with him. When we were fighting against each other there was this _charge_. It felt incredible. Tagging with him was even better. And we spent time together out of the ring, and one night he kissed me. And it felt just like everything else, you know? So completely _right_. I didn’t know it was coming until it happened and then it felt like _of course_ , of course this was always where we were headed. What we were meant to be. And that feeling never went away. But we never...we never put a label on it. It was just us.”

“Do you love him?” asked Nick, gentle in a way Nick rarely was. His hand was still on Kenny’s knee. Kenny looked at it and felt his heart swell. He didn’t deserve friends like these.

“I don’t know how to stop,” said Kenny, helplessly.

“Why do you need to stop?” Matt’s voice was soft in the near dark of the hotel room.

“You know what I did to him,” said Kenny, looking up at Matt. He could hear the tears in his voice even as he tried to blink them away. “I can’t even look at him. I can’t even say his name. I gave up _everything_ to get here. And what have I got to show for it? I don’t deserve-“

“You deserve to be happy, Kenny,” said Nick, so fiercely that Kenny was taken aback.

“Kota came back for _you_. He waited in that hallway for _you_. He hasn’t stopped caring about you.”

“I wouldn’t know what to say.” Saying it made Kenny feel small. He’d been talking to Kota for years through interviews and matches, but the idea of picking up his phone and calling him… Kenny was a coward. But he didn’t know how not to be. “We’ll meet in the ring, one of these days. That’s the way it has to be.”


End file.
